Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
