Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
