This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
