why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
