i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize