i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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