i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
