I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We got so high we made milksteak
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
