when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We need to rekindle our bromance
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
