I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
