That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
