i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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