if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
should my penis look like a turkey
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
