The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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