she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
