and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
