I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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