Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
