bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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