She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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