Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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