i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
