she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
