It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
