I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
