I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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