Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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