You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
whose parrot is this?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize