Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
