It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
