LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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