Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
