Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
