Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
