I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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