i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
