The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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