last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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