my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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