I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
