I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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