he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The Olympian is in my bed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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