I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize