I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
