You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
