I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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