Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize