Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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