please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
