so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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