i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
