Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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