Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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