Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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