And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
