I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
