im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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