I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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