So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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