Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
