Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm like, not good at living.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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