ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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