and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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