me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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