I hope mine doesn't look like that
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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