Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
