we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
