I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and she was petting her beer can
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
