So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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