i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
