I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
