he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
