fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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