Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
