does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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