i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
