I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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