the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
