I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
