are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
