btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
