I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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