shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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