evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
