when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
