george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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